Finding My Sense of Self: The Power of Quality Friendships

By Ready WA Storyteller Lizzy D.

Have you ever felt like you don’t “fit in”? Many of us struggle with fitting in, whether it’s due to our background, beliefs, or even the way we speak. This is a very real challenge that students face in school and throughout their lives.

I’ve personally experienced this feeling, and over time, I began to understand how to find my sense of self in order to connect with others and build a sense of community. The key lesson I’ve learned is that finding quality friendships—rather than just trying to fit in with everybody—is what truly helped me feel accepted and understood.

Growing up, I always struggled to make friends and find my place in the world. My childhood was far from “normal,” and for a long time, I felt like I didn’t belong. There was a time when I believed that I could go through life alone, without needing a community or friends. However, as I looked around at others who seemed to be thriving and having the life I wanted, I realized how lonely I truly felt. I wanted to fit in, but I didn’t know how, and I wasn’t sure what I needed to do to feel as if I truly belonged.

I grew up in the foster care system and was adopted when I was in third grade. Talking about my family background was always tough. When people found out I was adopted, they would often ask questions like, “What was it like in the orphanage?” or “How is it having two families?” These questions made it even harder to make friends, and I never felt “normal.” I often felt like I had to hide where I came from to avoid feeling different or being seen as “weird.” I attended a school where no one shared a similar experience, so it was difficult to bond with my peers, especially since many of them were so different from me.

For a long time, I struggled with feeling disconnected. It wasn’t until much later that I realized I didn’t need to change who I was or hide my background to fit in. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I would tell her that there was no special thing I had to do to be accepted. I would tell her to follow her passions and seek out people who would support and build her up for who she truly was—not just to make friends with everyone else.

As I grew older, I learned that the quality of friendships is far more important than the quantity. I used to think that having lots of friends or fitting in with the popular crowd would make me feel accepted. But I eventually realized that it was much more meaningful to focus on finding friendships that were genuine and rooted in mutual respect and understanding. It wasn’t about having a large group of friends—it was about building real connections with people who valued me for who I was.

Having just a few close, quality friends has made all the difference in my life. I no longer feel the need to hide my background or pretend to be someone I’m not. True friendship, for me, is about being authentic and finding those who truly appreciate me. These friendships have given me the confidence to embrace my individuality and have shown me that being different is something to be proud of. Instead of trying to blend in, I now focus on being myself and connecting with people who support me on my journey.

In the end, I’ve learned that fitting in isn’t as important as being true to who you are. It’s the quality of the relationships that matters. By surrounding myself with people who understand and appreciate me, I’ve found a sense of belonging and community that I never thought possible. So, if you’re struggling to find your place or feeling like you don’t belong, remember: it’s not about fitting in—it’s about finding those meaningful connections that make you feel seen, heard, and valued for exactly who you are.